No Way Out

I hate lying. I'm good at it (I learned from the best - my sisters a pro). But I reeeaaaalllly hate doing it. It just doesn't sit well with me at all. But sometimes...well, you just don't feel like you have much of an alternative.

So I recently joined a book club (something I've always wanted to do). Somehow we got onto the subject of celebrities and plastic surgery. So one of the girls decided to ask us all "So, if you could have any surgery, without any cost, and if it was completely painless and risk free - what would you have done?" Then she looks over at me and says "Charlotte, you're the newest member of the group, so you get to go first." Ha ha! Lucky me :)

Now this question is really a no-brainer. I mean, I know EXACTLY which surgery I would have done. I know roughly how much it'll cost. I've got a pretty good idea which surgeon I want to perform it, and I've even got a time-table and savings plan set-up specifically for it. So yea - it was a little ironic. But I just met all these women, and I'm not out to them. Nor do I plan on coming out to them for quite some time (if ever). So what do you say in a situation like that? Honesty really didn't feel like the best policy. And so...I lied. I pretended to think about it for a bit and then said I'd prolly get my boobs done (a popular choice - second only to liposuction).

As much as I enjoy the privilege of deciding when to come out to most people, I really don't enjoy the whole feeling of hiding something again. I did that for years, and I don't want to have to go through that again. I mean, it's different now, and not nearly as bad as it used to be. But sometimes it comes close enough to that feeling to be a bit uncomfortable. I suppose the main thing that has changed is that now I'm not ashamed of what I'm not telling someone - I'm just not ready to tell them yet. Before it was something I had to keep locked away, lest anyone find out - the pressure that comes with such a closely guarded secret is just way too intense. So for now, I like the fact that I've got the whole 'compartmentalizing' thing going. It's nice to be able to talk to others about shared experiences, but it's also really refreshing to just take a break from it for a while and forget all about gender issues and transitioning and all the crap that goes along with it.

Oh, and on a side note, out of our group of about 12 different (and some very beautiful) women, not one person said they were fine the way they were without surgery. Everybody always has something they wanna change :)